why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
