A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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