THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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