I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
