Christians are straight up FREAKS
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
