I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
