dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
