She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
