Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
