I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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