Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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