It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
