Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
