we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
