I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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