i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
