He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
