Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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