You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
