made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
