No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
