you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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