I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
