Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
