I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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