i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
