so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
