One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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