a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
