I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My life is pants optional.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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