He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is Oprah even human
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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