Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she peed on how many people?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
