i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
