he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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