I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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