Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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