come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
