Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
