Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
