Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
