apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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