Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
