Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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