Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
