So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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