Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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