did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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