Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
