If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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