Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
