You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
