ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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