allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
