If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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