i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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